Until debt do us part

author aoife gaffney until debt do us partIn my latest co-authored book, WE Summit Together, for the first time I talk openly about how I ended up in debt – twice – because of my inability to talk about money with my partner.  I also talk about how I managed to get out of it.

I clearly had to make the same mistake more than once before I learned how NOT to do something.

Sometimes I win and sometimes I lose LEARN.

The biggest lessons for me were

  • learning to talk openly about money,
  • learning to ask for help,
  • learning to listen,
  • learning to figure out what I wanted by figuring out what I did NOT want
  • and learning how to take inspired action.

I learned to face my FEAR.

Fear is simply Focus + Effort + Action = Results.

I married my soul mate recently.  Old fears and anxieties crept up again; how do I talk about money, how do I ask for something, what if we have different views about debt, how do we discuss bills and savings goals and so on.  It has been over 20 years since I have had a “money conversation” with anyone other than myself.

I took a breath, opened my bank statement and said: “do you have 5 minutes, I’d like to run through something with you”.  The world did not end, the sky did not fall in, there was no stress, drama or anxiety.  All of the stresses were in my head.

Since that moment, we have been able to have open, honest and really speedy conversations about money in the same breath as I’d say “pass the salt”.  We have set joint savings and income goals but we each still have our own independence and freedom.  We don’t always agree all of the time but we have both made a commitment to figure stuff out together, and we live in a very small house so there is nowhere to hide.

You can read more about the strategies I used to get out of debt and change my mind mindset in WE Summit Together.  It is an incredible book written by incredible women and ALL the proceeds go to The Christina Noble Foundation.

 

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